Anticipating the unknown

Maybe it is the sick-sick person that I am, but I anticipate the unknown. I love waking up and not knowing what I will be doing that day, because it makes everything I do that day interesting. For example, Sundays are always my favourites. You never know what person will call you, or what errands you have stocked up for Sundays. Today, I told myself I'd work on my freelance. But then I decided to procrastinate (yes, it is a choice!) and tell myself "I can't work over a messy desk". So I clean my desk. Then I reorganize my drawer. Then I reorganize the boxes in my closet, and I find letters I wrote to myself from years ago. I know it sounds weird, but I'm an only child, who else am I going to tell my deepest secrets to at age ten? Anyways, I'm reluctant to open them. I think I'm going to add more "letters to myself"...at age twenty two. Maybe I'll even put a "do not open until 2019" note on the front. Weirdo.

And then there's the bad anticipation. The anticipation of waiting on that one phone call...email or text. I keep checking my phone. My anxiety tells me that I need to add an event to my calender - "Check for email @ 3:00pm". It forces me to open the browser and read the news - news that I've already read once, an hour ago. It forces me to sit centimeters away from my phone - charger in, full battery life.

ooThen you realize that quite some time has passed. And the reply that you've been waiting for, may not come. Ever. Maybe your instinct has already given you the answer. But you wait anyway, because you need to see it for yourself. You want to see that rejection in its fullness..you want to see it in text.