Home?

After a year away from home, the familiar became unfamiliar. Of course I knew things were going to change. Nobody was going to wait around for me to continue their lives, I know that! But to see and experience it first hand was something I was unprepared for.



I also wasn't prepared for the big clean-up, which still continues as boxes of my things trickle from Japan to Toronto. When I first walked into my room it was like walking into someone else's room that was all so familiar. It was wide and empty. It echoed with the sound of my parents taking in my suitcases. It smelled different, it smelled like someone else's house. Not anymore of course. I've been home for almost one month now and everything is back to what I remember..except for my friend's and family's lives.

Again, I know - nobody is waiting for me! But it never occurred to me that it would matter this much that their lives have changed and they have grown without me. Relationships have formed, friendships became untied, they've changed jobs, they've graduated, they got engaged..I wish I was there to experience those moments with them and grow together. I've also grown up myself, albeit not together with them. But I wonder was it worth it? I wish there was a way to tell in this very moment.

I'm so happy for everyone around me. They've all accomplished so much. It's hard to come back knowing that I can't even get as much as unemployment insurance because international work doesn't count as work, while all the people around me are in good places. It's tough coming back empty handed, knowing that all you had accomplished were some "life experiences".

But that attitude is the old me..and the new me, the one that grew alone and roughed it out for one year (actually, Japan is an extremely comfortable country) alone says - don't think, just do!

So I'm taking the plunge... I'm getting a dog¹ !!!

¹ getting a dog has everything to do with my emotional anxieties!